Thing Date

My dad gets really nervous and embarrassed at everything, mostly me really. 11/25/97

People that sound or look lame are. 11/25/97

Parents are wrong one-hundred percent of the time. 11/25/97

The only thing better than my supervisor and boss being out of the office are . . . . . uhh . . . . . there’s nothing better in this township than that which I had spoke of earlier in this statement in which you are engulfed.

The difference between this job and my White Castle job is I’d be 5 minutes late at White Castle and get punished and stuck on the fryer and I’m late at this job and everyone says nothing or jokes about it.

Some people have more baggage than others. But some can pack theirs better. 11/25/97

My right ear lobe hurts of like cartilage problems but it’s actually the only part of both of my ears that has never been pierced.

The only way I really learn anything is through mistakes or failure. I have learned a lot. 11/24/97

OK - if you don’t stop making that annoying noise I am going to jam this wad of tan putty down your voice box.

Business = Bs. = BS = bull shit 11/24/97

It has been an absolute nightmare to put it lightly. 11/24/97

Please be advised that Canadian Post Office is on strike. (Walter) 11/24/97

Old people are good at one thing, bitching, and I ain’t talking in skater lingo. 11/24/97

Adults really look dorky when we can where jeans and stuff to work. AKA: acid-wash. 11/24/97

Most of the time I am sick of being your roommate, I mean cleaning lady. I really just wanna be your friend. That’s all..

If Jesus came to earth he would probably live in the suburbs and commute to the city to work his miracles. He wouldn’t own a car, but if he did he would have one of those bumper stickers that says, "God is my co-pilot" and he would never honk his horn. (Busey)

Sometimes I wish I could drink a beer at work. (mrcs) 11/24/97

If Jesus had a dog and took it for a walk, would the dog be able to walk on water? 11/24/97

(Baker)

Girls. 11/24/97

Just because you have a bigger room or office than I do, that doesn’t mean you are a better person.

I totally would not be able to handle working forty hours a week. 11/21/97

I don’t know if I just haven’t learned a good way to remember people’s names or I just don’t care.

Sometimes I take a big stack of unused, perfectly good paper and toss it into my recycling bin. I like to recycle cause it is good for the virenmint.

Basically everyone else in the world sucks. (MB) 11/21/97

I think the clock is slow. (Friday) 11/21/97

Honesty is the best policy, but I don’t shoot for being best half the time. 11/21/97

If you want to draw some attention to your genital area, leave you fly wide open. If you want to really grab some genitalention, have a nice prosthetic wiener hanging outa your panties.

Nothing like planning booth shipment through the year 2003. It gives me that not so fresh feeling.

We’re set through 2003. Bring on the millennium! (z, pab) 11/21/97

This is this funky feeling the day when you are afraid to call on phone to girls and stuff.

Girls just want to have fun. I just want to have girls. 11/21/97

The use of the terms memorandum and candidly. 11/20/97

Don’t make this look like I was doing something wrong when it was their fault for not telling me. Follow the herd. Point the finger.

Z is the big bull-shitter. That will get him far. (Debra Hein) 11/20/97

My life is getting shorter, my back hair is getting longer, and my dick is the same. 11/20/97

I just gave the guy who pays my salary a little lesson in how to use Word. 11/20/97

Feels real good to tell someone to do something for me and they just do it. Like, "hey can you file this?", "Sure Mr. Ziola, anything else?"

I got a new coffee mug and now I feel better about myself. Thanks ceramic! 11/20/97

I hate this place. I hate this place. Get me outa here. (Brett) 11/20/97

I’ve been around this lonely place before. (z, goldfinger) 11/20/97

I have been sitting here for two hours today and I don't know what the hell is going on. I wish I was exaggerating.

If you want something done, do it yourself. (Kindergarten) 11/20/97

There’s nothing better than a day when a head hunter calls. 11/19/97

This could be my big break. I am a superstar. First the cover of my company’s corporate brochure, next walking on the moon.

I am really getting sick of you looking at me with that confused and pitied face when I am talking to you and making funnies also. I am funny, you aren’t. Maybe that’s your problem

One of the two African Americans at work misread the American platter of subs as the African American. Ever had an African American sub sandwich? They are pretty tasty.

When you don’t have a sewing kit handy, there’s nothing better than an old fashioned slice ‘o duct tape

To me, stretching the truth is more like very honest and true lies. 11/19/97

I feel like there is all this pressure to get so many things done that I cant go out that much. I cant wait until Xmas and unemployment. (pavil)

I am beginning to realize that everything is about winning and losing. I would have never thought that loser was such a great insult. you’re a winner (pavil)

If I had a pile of feces for every time I made a dime, I ‘d be a stinky man. 11/18/97

Man, I am glad I didn’t grow up in Glenview and get stuck on the AMC sponsored Little League squad.

I prefer shopping and doing things after work in the suburbs, not the city. My co-worker prefers to do things in Wisconsin, not the suburbs, cause it is so nuts.

I can feel my brain getting larger and smarter every weekday, then on the weekends I get canned, lose some brain cells, and my brain returns to normal size.

.ORG web sites are all orgies, all the time. 11/18/97

Whoever just came out of the closet must have smelled great. 11/18/97

When I find that the time is ready, I will go. I’ll do it. I’ll go and do it . . . go to the bathroom.

That grade school mishap is going to come back and bite me. First day, First grade, and first job - both picture days, I forgot to wear something besides my uniform. And it was and is Hot Dog Day too! It’s like rain on your wedding day (z, morrisette)

People staring at their computer terminals look like retards staring at sheep (one or two)

My handwriting is like my grandmother, a sloppy eater, but a still love her more than anything.

Barb Hubeny came up with some new-age way of having fun, without barbiturates. 11/18/97

I do things my own way. If you don’t like that - then make fun of me please. 11/17/97

I don’t know what I am doing because I am always wasting time doing things that will save me time in the future.

This lady is so short that she isn’t let on even the kiddy rides at Six Flags Great America.

Puffs Plus with lotion are two for one in more than one use if ya catch my drift. 11/17/97

I don’t have a problem being a mute. 11/17/97

I hate kids. They are like really dumb adults. 11/17/97

I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it but I think the bridge has fallen into the river. 11/17/97

The best way to learn about someone’s bad habits is to sleep with them - Just sleeping next to them you perv.

Thank God for urinal drain catchers - I found my lucky button. After I wiped the urine and pubes off it, it was good as new.

I don’t bother to learn people’s names because I really don’t give a rat’s ass. 11/14/97

Some people in this office are really messed up. And this is coming from a really messed up dude here so the people I am speaking about are super ultra messed.

I am entertained by those with lack of pigment in their hair, and plenty in their skin. Tan blondes, OK?

There are two young ladies I am attracted to at work. One is married to her husband, the other is married to some guy.

News is more manufactured than a lot of prosthetics I own. 11/14/97

The executive director is wearing a tie with fleet resale vehicles on it to the National Association of Fleet Resale Dealers’ Board Meeting. How insulting.

Lady: who do you think you are? You are a middle manager for a fricking association management company. And you are like over 50.

I get really sick and fed up of being on "teams". 11/14/97

Everybody is always pretending to be someone else. I dress up all fancy and comb my hair for job interviews. I get a job and my boss does the same thing to try and impress some client.

I am sweating in my armpits today cause I am nervous about the board meeting. 11/14/97

I am rubber and your are glue. Whatever bounces off of me sticks on you. You are a vagina. I am the rubber on a wiener.

This is going absolutely ape shit today. (J. Engle) 11/13/97

Do I have to get a promotion before I can get a stapler and a pair of scissors that work?

The minutes of a meeting should be renamed "notes" or "things discussed." 11/13/97

The only thing i get out of e-mailing you is carpel tunnel. 11/13/97

Nine out of ten people at my office prefer paper clips to staples. They are also the idiots drinking decaf.

Sometimes the men’s room smells like crap. Someone must have taken a crap. 11/13/97

I am more than happy not really being that happy. 11/13/97

I have a code for the use of codes. It is F - T H A T. 11/12/97

I prefer it doggie version (NYC). 11/12/97

Nothing like a new stapler to make a young office boy a happy camper. 11/12/97

It is a little e depressing during my lunch break to see the sun is going to be setting soon. 11/12/97

Pens and lighters never run out, they just get lost. 11/12/97

There’s nothing better on a cold day than the smell of butter flavored pretzels, and cuddling by the fire.

My cat is cute, and staticky. 11/12/97

My happiest times have been when I was regular. Hooray for All-Bran! 11/12/97

My work clock is an hour fast in the morning but an hour slow in the afternoon. 11/12/97

My company may be cutting edge in technology, but six strokes over par when it comes to the people managing the technology. Also, if the power goes out or the server is out again, we all sit around like we lost a chunk of our brains.

Enjoy my words of wisdom, i mean stupidity. 11/12/97

Computers suck almost as much as the retards using them 11/12/97

It seems like everyone is always got something to look at besides people passing them by in the hall.

I’m glad that my clothes are clean, too bad my detergent can’t do something about my dirty thoughts.

My co-worker just had an embarrassing moment. He sneezed and snots were flying everywhere and I was watching.

Jeff Ott is on heroin. 11/11/97

I was thinking that some days I have no time to think, I think, cause I am wasting my time thinking, about junk I don’t enjoy thinking about.

I like Arby’s Horsey sauce better that real horses. 11/11/97

My left ankle is getting so fat that my socks feel real bad and therefore so do I. 11/11/97

I found this guy’s name in a mailing, Jay S. Flaming. He must have gotten the s beat out of him when he was a kid, and even now.

It’s just another manic Monday. (1980’s) 11/10/97

I hate the days I can’t remember if I wore deodorant. I get nervous and sweat more which I don’t wanna do cause then I smell like Anthony from work.

I’m gonna beat the Def Leppard arm with the New Kids. 11/10/97

I’m really fed up with being "Viola" or "Giola" at Chinese restaurants and the dry cleaners.

I’d toot my own horn but I have been blowing so hard I think it’s busted. 11/7/97

I despise interuptive behavior. 11/7/97

One of the only things that keeps me entertained by the human race is contradiction. 11/7/97

I look and feel like a big dork today. 11/7/97

I remember writing myself notes to write more notes. Please get this anal rod out of my ass.

I want to be the best that i can but in the meantime i have no problem being the worst. 11/7/97

I’m in love, with my cat. No, not what you think freek. 11/6/97

The difference between black and white is that I’m right, i.e. you are wrong. 11/6/97

A good thought is only a good thought if it becomes a memory, or for me, written down. 11/6/97

I love myself better than you. There’s no you in me. 11/6/97

I spend more time organizing my life than living it. 11/6/97

What is the point of schedules and deadlines when they never get followed. 11/6/97

He must need his phone number so he can get something from it or cancel an appointment to spend time with the better half.

People either love my ass, hate it, or have their tongue jammed up it. 11/6/97

I like places like Green Bay, WI, as much as the next guy, not at all. 11/6/97

I’m a social and comic genius. 11/6/97

New and improved always seems worse at first. 11/6/97

Seriously, two things that I don’t like are colored or smelly paper clips. 11/6/97

I kind of feel violated when people violate my pod. 11/6/97

I am good at taking the blame for others mistakes. 11/5/97

Praise, unlike money, motivates. 11/5/97

If it’ll make you life easier, just keep on making mine more difficult. 11/5/97

Sewing and laundry are God’s gift to those who prefer messed up clothes. 11/5/97

Money isn’t happiness. Time is happiness. And time is still money. Wait a second . . . 11/5/97

Honesty is ‘crass’ (Baker, z) 11/5/97

Best sign of a productive day is a clean bedroom. 11/5/97

It is important for us to clean up after ourselves, especially in the washrooms and lunchroom (K. Global).

Old folks bitch a lot. 11/5/97

I don’t lie. Well, that’s one. 11/5/97

Forget fiber, I consume mass amounts of coffee to stay regular. 11/5/97

I’m getting really sick of saying "Thanks!" 11/5/97

The only problem I’m going to have in finding a nice young lady to spend the rest of my life with will be that I really can’t stand anyone except for myself.

The world is like my hair - all messed up but still looks really good. 11/4/97

Something I really can’t stand is people that always have the look that they would rather 11/4/97

be somewhere else. the world would be a better place, at least for me, if they would go to that other place.

What smells like feces? Oh, it’s your nose from having it so far up the bosses’ ass. 11/4/97

I don’t have anything to say. Well, I guess I just did. 11/4/97

Why is there sand in large, desktop, tape dispensers. 11/4/97

My favorite thing in the whole world are people that tell me that can’t help or that they are too busy because the fact of the matter is that they just really don’t like their job.

Stop that please - the bitching at something I did wrong when I am just doing what you taught me.

That was the least pleasant look I have ever gotten. I love saying hello to people. 11/3/97

Man.

Mondays are fun if you are a dumb, crazy, poo-head. 11/3/97

Jeff Ott just messed up real bad and made me look like an idiot. 11/3/97

Whoever was talking an ‘s’ in the stall next to mine wiped their tail for at least one minute. That must be one sore bum.

I don’t get how the fax lady can have a hard time because I am giving her things to fax. It’s would be like me having a hard time if someone thought I was NOT an a-hole.

I don’t want to hear your cheap advice about the future and my career when all you are trying to tell me is to not live my life like you lived yours. (Allaway, z)